Here is the check list we use in new client assignments to facilitate courageous conversations and help a team to increase their capabilities in conflicts.
1. Appoint a neutral facilitator
The more sensitive the topic, the more important it is that the facilitator is neutral. That does not mean external persé. We see mature teams facilitating their own courageous conversations. The role of the facilitator can rotate, depending on the question: who is neutral on this topic and able to facilitate this conversation? The facilitator prepares the process and space (2), sets intentions (3) establishes groundrules (4), supports emotional regulation (5) and ensures follow up (6) is agreed upon and actioned. The facilitator ensures that everyone feels heard and that the conversation stays respectful.
2. Physical environment
A comfortable space feels safe and conducive to open dialogue. This means good lighting, comfortable seating, and minimal distractions. A completely open window where people can look in, is not conducive to face muddy realities. We need places where we can be ‘off stage’ to talk things through. Spaces can be too large and too small. Facilitators set the tone with the room set up gauging the right physical proximity. Personal space and boundaries are important and too much space makes it harder to connect. During Covid times we found that physical distances were too big to connect personally.
3. Set clear purpose & intentions
Clarify purpose: Establish why you’re having the conversation. Is it for growth, understanding, or agreement? Make sure everyone is aligned with the goal. Invite openness in the group to approach the conversation with curiosity, and a willingness to listen rather than react. Encourage people to show their vulnerability. It’s valuable to express your feelings, concerns, or uncertainties.
4. Establish ground rules
In any team setting, power dynamics (age, role, race, etc.) impact the conversation. To ensure everyone’s voice is heard, especially those who may feel less empowered, it helps to establish ground rules in a way that the team feels they own the ground rules, so the facilitator does not end up as a referee:
- Respect boundaries: Make sure that everyone has the right to set boundaries around what they’re comfortable discussing, and respect those limits.
- Confidentiality: Emphasize that anything shared in the conversation stays within the room. This builds trust and allows for deeper sharing.
- Use "I" statements: Encourage using "I feel" or "I think" to express personal experiences, rather than making accusatory or generalizing statements. This reduces defensiveness and promotes empathy.
- Interruptions: Allow each person to speak without being interrupted. This helps to ensure that everyone’s voice is heard and valued.
5. Support emotional regulation
Facilitators regulate emotions by giving people time to process and reflect what has been said, how that feels and reflect on their response. Facilitators can acknowledge nonverbal cues by paying attention to body language and facial expressions. These cues speak a 1000 words. Naming them and acknowledging them builds deeper understanding. Facilitators manage tensions, if things get heated, by pausing the conversation, summarizing facts, feelings and metaphors, and refocusing the group on the shared purpose. In moments of heightened emotion, facilitators guide everyone to take a few deep breaths. This regulates feelings and restores calm.
6. Follow up
Teaching teams to check in amongst themselves for understanding has yielded great results. Summarizing key points ensures that different perspectives have been accurately understood. It brings space for reflection and allows people to adjust the summaries. It is a final progress check in itself. If enough progress is made commitment to action is a vital next step. Right now the momentum is present. If the conversation involves solving a problem or making changes, make a clear commitment to action steps, and how to hold each other accountable. Organize ongoing support, where needed. Checking in with participants to see how they’re feeling is a great way to show you care.
By focusing on shared purpose, respect, empathy, you create an environment that allows people to engage in courageous conversations with authenticity, courage and vulnerability. These conversations require time and patience to fully develop trust and understanding in the team because the nature of the topics is sensitive.
